I was zapping through bits and pieces of the video recording from the debate between John Haught and Jerry Coyne, when something one of them said triggered a realization: I've been treating colds for basically my entire life with a radical homepoathic cure which worked every single time! Here's my recipe:

When you feel the first scratch in your throat and the first mucus swellings in your nose, dilute whatever ointment, substance or powder you could think of might help you with pure, distilled water (use laboratory grade if you have access to that), until there's absolutely, definitely not a single molecule of whatever you diluted left. Then, dilute the water with air (i.e., let it evaporate until there is not more water either. What's left is the purest homeopathic remedy imaginable: nothing at all!

And guess what: these colds first got a little worse (which shows that the treatment is starting to work), but then every single one of my colds ever since I was born got better and eventually was cured completely! Not a single one killed me, nor did one ever last more than a few days. Sure, some were worse, others not so much, but every single one was cured by my remedy! Proof that homeopathy works best in the most radical possible form!